REFLECTIONS OF A NEW BOWLER
When I contemplated playing bowls, I knew not what to do.
About how to enter a game, I didn't have a clue.
I arrived in time for my first game, I think they called it
fours.
Took all the bowls out of my bag, I didn't know the laws,
The other guys explained to me, "You've made a silly blue."
I said, "what's the point of having four if you're only
using two."
My opponent whispered in my ear, "In time
you'll work it out,
But here's a thing you'll learn right now, it's up to you to
shout."
I rushed into the bar and yelled, "Eight pots of beer, I
think,
You'd better make it Tui, is it the stuff they drink?"
I brought the tray back to the green and handed drinks
around,
The coin was tossed, the mat went down, my coin was never
found.
You only had to buy two drinks you stupid
bloody cluck."
"You should have told me sooner pal, I could've saved ten
bucks."
We all shook hands, the day was fine, the green was running
fast,
"I've never played this game before, do you mind if I go
last?"
The skipper looked me up and down, he began to fear the
worst,
"If you’re a novice bowler mate, it's best if you go
first." |
I took a run up to the mat as nervous as
could be,
It hit his foot, ran up his leg, rebounding off his knee.
"You're just a little quick my son", I saw my skipper mime,
"You've got another bowl mate, try underarm this time."
My team mates tried to counsel me, "Calm down, you'll get
the ticket."
I've just turned sixty two ," I said, "and just retired from
cricket."
If I played a bowl that fell well short the
skip went off his rocker.
But when he did a similar thing, he was trying to play a
blocker.
If I played a bowl well past the head, he said, "You'll get
the knack."
If the skip did the same as me, "It's in case they trail the
jack."
"Now listen old son", he said, his face was stern and
gritty,
"Your job in this game of bowls is drawing to the kitty".
I apologised for my mistakes and took in what
he said,
"I'm sorry Mr Skipper, sir, I must have lost my head."
My first attempt at playing bowls was really quits a farce,
The skipper kept on telling me, "You've got to take some
grass".
I stood and watched the other bloke as he took his turn to
bowl,
It was then I learnt that taking grass was not the sort you
roll. |